Broken Hearts
by Jayne Leigh
Summary: She had spent years pushing people away, trying to protect her heart but in the end she had broken it herself.


**Okay, so I don't think many of you will like this one. I had a pretty crappy week last week and decided to take it out on Mary and Marshall. This has been saved on my computer for a few days now and I wasn't sure whether to post it or not. I hope some of you do enjoy it. Please review! **

**Enjoy!**

**Broken Hearts**

Marshall stared at the front door for what seemed like hours before realizing he wasn't ready to go inside yet. He turned and sat on the porch steps, reaching up and pulling his tie to hang loosely around his neck. He tried to get his head around what happened, tried to work out why it happened and if there was a plausible reason but if he was honest with himself, he should have seen this was coming. He felt stupid for thinking it could be that simple.

He heard the door open behind him but he didn't turned, he kept his eyes on the house across the street.

"Marshall?"

"I didn't think you would be here." He had no idea how he managed to keep his voice calm and steady. "I mean, there is a wedding happening today...I kind of figured you would be there… Especially since you are the bride."

"Marshall…" She said again. "Come inside…"

"No."

"You've been sat out here for ages."

"I'm not ready yet." He told her, still with his back to her.

"How can I explain if you won't let me?"

"Explain?" He finally turned, anger flashed in eyes. "Do you have an explanation, Mare? A real one?"

"You know me better than anyone." Mary folded her arms across her chest. "You know today wasn't me…."

He shook his head a little in disbelief at her words but it was what he expected her to say.

"We've known each other for 12 years now…"

"And you still don't trust me." He pushed himself to his feet. "You still don't give a damn about me!"

"That's not true!"

"Then why did you let me stand in front of our family and friends for a god damn hour waiting for you to turn up?!" He questioned. "Why did you promise to marry me knowing that it was never ever going to happen?!"

"Why is getting married such a big deal?" She threw her hands up in the air. "Do some stupid rings matter so much to you?"

"I could have lived without getting married…I never expected or needed you to say yes and you knew that."

"I said yes to make you happy." She stated. "That must tell you something."

"Yeah, I thought it did." He nodded a little. "But I never pushed the wedding…It was you who started looking through magazines….You were the one who went dress shopping and picked out a date… I stupidly believe you were doing it because the idea of being my wife made _you_ happy!"

"Marshall…." She started but trailed off, not sure how to reply to that. She had no idea why she decided to plan a wedding that she never really wanted.

"I thought we were done with all that." He ran a hand down his face. "I thought we had moved on."

"Done with what?"

"With the games…the hidden messages… I thought you had finally accepted that I was here to stay and that I didn't need to read between the lines." He replied. "After all these years of me figuring out what you really meant despite the words you say…I finally let my guard down…I finally thought I could trust you to tell me what you were feeling."

"I tried…" She claimed but even to her it sounded pathetic. "I tried for you."

"I didn't want you to try, Mare." He shook his head. "I just wanted to be with you and for you to be happy about us."

"I am happy." She insisted. "It was the wedding that was too much…"

"But you still wasn't honest with me….You couldn't allow yourself to tell what you truly felt and wanted because deep down you still don't trust that I would stay."

"You know I'm not big on the whole 'talking about my feelings' thing." She tried to lighten the mood but it fell flat.

"Yeah, I know…" He said sadly. "It took three years for us to have a conversation and admit we were friends…and that was only because I was close to dying..."

"I'm sorry…"

"And you know what? I would gladly take a thousand bullets then go through what I went through today…"

Her eyes widened. "Don't say that!"

"It's true…Getting shot hurt a hell of lot less." He claimed. "You didn't even have the decency to call me…To tell me yourself…You let me wait and worry…Then I had to hear from Mark that you weren't coming and that was only because you wanted him to know Norah was okay."

"I screwed up…"

"Yeah." He agreed. "Yeah, you did."

She leaned back against the door, just watching him. For the last couple of weeks, she had wanted to talk to him about the wedding. Wanted to tell him that she wasn't sure if she could go through with it but he seemed so excited. Then that morning, she had put the dress on…Let Brandi and Jinx help with her makeup and hair but the minute after they left to go to the church, she took the dress off.

"Where is Norah?" Marshall asked quietly.

"In her bedroom."

"Can I see her?"

She frowned a little at the request. He had been living with them for almost three years now and had been very much a part of Norah's upbringing. She was about to tell him that he didn't need to ask but there was something about the look on his face that made Mary concerned.

"Why?" She asked, quietly, afraid.

"I've spoken with Stan…He's going to get someone to run the office while I take some vacation time." He told her. "I got a friend in New York who I'm going to stay with…"

"You're leaving?!"

"I think it's best if I do for a couple of weeks." He said quietly, looking down. "But I would like to talk to Norah before I go."

Mary stared at him, feeling tears burning in her eyes but she couldn't refuse his request. She silently, stepped away from the door.

He swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat before getting the courage to enter the house that he thought was his home. Mary waited for a minute before following him, hovering just out of sight by Norah's open bedroom door.

"Marshall!" The little girl threw her arms around his legs. "Do you like my dress?"

Marshall gently ran his fingers through her long blonde hair and smiled down at her, fighting hard against his emotions. "You look beautiful."

She stepped back, twirling for him. A navy blue bridesmaid's dress that matched their color theme…The one Mary had surprised him by picking. He had always pictured their wedding as a quick service at the court house or a drunken ceremony in Vegas. Everything about this wedding was complete opposite but he allowed himself to get caught up in it all and didn't stop to really think about it.

"Mommy said I could keep it on so I could you show when you got home." She told him.

Mary knew he would come back, even after leaving him at the alter without a word, she knew he would return. He didn't know what was more heartbreaking, that he was that pathetic and predictable or that she trusted him not to just abandon them but not enough to be honest with him.

"Well, I'm glad I got to see it." He said, sitting down on her bed and held out his arms. "Come here, Angel…I want to talk to you about something."

Norah frowned a little. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, you're not in trouble." He assured, settling her on his lap. "I just want talk to you because I need to go away for a while…"

"For work?" She asked, used to both Marshall and Mary going out of town every now and then.

"No, not for work…I have a friend who I haven't seen in a long time so I'm going to go visit him."

"Like a sleepover?"

Marshall couldn't help but laugh a little. "Yeah, a little like a sleepover."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know yet, Angel…" He sighed. "It will be in a few weeks."

"But that's a long time." She looked up at him and pouted.

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her to his chest. "I'm sorry."

"Can't I come with you?" She mumbled, gripping on his shirt.

"I wish you could." He whispered, blinking to try and stop the tears. "But you need to stay here and go to school and look after Mom."

"Why can't you look after Mom?"

"I just can't right now…But it'll be okay, I promise you."

"I don't want you to go?" She began to cry. "I want you to stay…"

"Angel…Shh, don't cry." He rubbed her back gently. "I'll be back before you know it and you'll be able to call me anytime you want…Mom, Dad, Aunt Brandi, Grandma…they all have my phone number…"

"What if you find another little girl you like better?"

He pulled back to look down her in surprise. It still amazed him sometimes how much she looked like Mary and again his heart shattered a little bit more.

"That is not impossible." He assured her, wiping the tears off her face. "There is no one in this world that I love more then you, Norah…I promise you, I'll always be here for you whenever you need me, okay?"

She nodded a little and then led her head against his chest again. He dropped another kiss to her hair, resting his cheek on the top of her head and held her a little tighter.

Mary couldn't take no more and moved to the kitchen, leaning against the counter. She had really messed things up…she had not only hurt Marshall but herself and Norah too.

It was another 30 minutes before Marshall reappeared, eyes red. She wanted to throw her arms around him and have him tell her it will all be okay…that he loved her more than anyone else in the world but she knew she had no right.

"She fell asleep." He told her.

Mary nodded. "I thought she might…"

"I'm going to go…" He cleared his throat. "I got some clothes and stuff at work that will get me through the next couple of weeks…"

"You're leaving now?" She asked.

"Yeah…Yeah, I am." He said but he didn't move.

"Just stay for tonight….We can talk about this properly." She reached out to take his hand but he pulled back.

"I can't…" He shook his head. "I can't."

"Why not?" Her arms dropped to side. "We've been through so much together… Surely, you must think we deserve that."

"Yeah, we do." He agreed. "But I'm sick of being the one to do it…To be one that has always has to put it all on the line."

"What do you want me to do?" She asked. "I can't go back in time and change what happened."

"I just think it might be good for us to have some time apart." He took a deep, shaky breath. "For the past 12 years we've been so afraid of losing each other that it's made us hold on to each other tighter…maybe it's time we see what life is like apart."

"You don't mean that…" She shook her head. "You don't believe that."

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Mare." He admitted. "I don't know anything anymore."

"So that's it?" She asked, her voice rising in anger. "You're going to leave and ignore it."

Marshall knew her better than anyone…he knew her tone and stance meant she was looking for an argument but he couldn't handle that right now. So, he decided to just walk away.

Mary's eyes widened with fear when she saw him heading for the door. She grabbed his arm and forced him to turn back to face her. "Marshall, don't…"

"Don't what?"

"Don't go." She whispered as tears fell from her eyes. "Don't leave…Stay…Please."

"I can't." This time he didn't try and stop his own tears. "I'm sorry….I have to go."

She stepped closer to him, winding her arms around his waist tightly and led her head on his chest.

He closed his eyes and slowly brought his own arms around her; just like with Norah, he rest his cheek on the top of her head.

"Do you understand why I need to go?" He whispered after a few minutes but she didn't reply, instead tightened her hold on him. "Mary?"

"We've never been apart for very long before." She stepped back a little, brushing a few years away.

"No…." He agreed. "The only real time was when you went Mexico."

Mary tried not to flinch at the memory. He had put himself on the line and she had run from him that time too.

"I told Norah she could call me… Anytime of the day or night is fine with me, okay?" He said softly, wanting her to know he wasn't abandoning the little girl that he considered his daughter.

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself again. "Okay…"

"If you need me…" He trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence. He quickly pressed his lips against her forehead before forcing himself to turn and walk away.

"Marshall?"

He had almost made it to the door when she called out to him and he wished he had the strength to just keep walking but he didn't.

"You are coming back, aren't you?"

"Yeah, Mare…I'm coming back."

"For good?" She questioned. "For me?"

"Mare…"

"Promise me, we'll be okay."

"I can't." He whispered. "I can't make promises to you that I'm not sure I can keep."

Mary felt like she had been hit in the stomach. The whole reason she had asked him was because she knew he would never break a promise to her and also because he had never denied her anything before.

As soon as the words left his mouth and he saw the look of devastation on her face, he wanted to take it back. He wanted to wrap his arms around her again and tell her it would be okay, that he would fix it but he knew he couldn't.

"Just know that I love you… I'll always love you." He continued, his voice breaking with his emotion. "And I regret nothing…Over the 12 years there is nothing I regret….Not all the time I was waiting for you…not for leaving Abigail…Not for asking you to marry me."

Mary looked at him in total surprise at his words after all she had put him through today.

"I told you, this kind of love is messy…" He shrugged a little, managing to give her a small smile. "But what you need to do now is work out if you feel the same way…if you have any regrets."

She shook her head, ready to tell him that she regretted nothing either.

"Just… think about it." He said before she had chance to speak. "We'll talk in a few weeks, okay?"

"I do love you." She told him as he opened the door.

"I know." He nodded, giving her another sad smile before stepping out the house and closing the door.

Mary didn't know how long she stood and stared at the door before she realized that he really was gone and wasn't coming back. She suddenly found it difficult to breath and her vision became blurred.

Then the door opened and her heart skipped a beat in hope that Marshall had come back but instead it was Brandi.

"Mary?" Brandi walked towards her quickly in concern. "What happened? Why didn't you come?"

Something snapped inside her and her legs gave out from under her, sending her crashing to the floor.

"Mary!"

She pushed Brandi away from her, hugging her knees tightly to her chest and cried. She had spent years pushing people away, trying to protect her heart but in the end she had broken it herself.

**The End**

**Okay, so I know there are a lot of Mary/Marshall fans out there who might not like this but please review and let me know what you think. I was going to leave it as a standalone but considering doing a follow up. Thinking someone might go looking for Marshall to check on him but trying to decide who. Stan and Seth are the obvious choice… Bobby D is another. Raph because he has kinda been there… Abigail would just be weird, right? Anyone, let me know what you think! **


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